A Letter from your Addiction

Dear Friend,

I have come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you can never relax. I want to make you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be confused and depressed so that you can't think clearly and positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody, especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done in the past and you'll never be able to let go of. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but ME for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all. I want to make you wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me. I'm even in your dreams. I want to be the first thing you think about every morning and the last thing you think about before you black out.

I'd rather kill you, but I'd be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail. But you know I'll be waiting for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly go insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet. It's amusing to watch you ignore yourself, not eating, not sleeping, and not even attending to your personal hygiene. Yes, it's amazing how much destruction I can be to your internal organs while at the same time working on your brain, destroying it bit by bit.

I deeply appreciate how much you are sacrificing for me. The countless good jobs you have given up for me, all the friends whom you deeply cared for you gave up for me. And what's more, the ones you turned yourself against because of your inexcusable action. I am eternally grateful, especially for the loved ones, family and most important people in the world that you have turned yourself against. You threw even them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitude I have for the loyalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in life just to devote yourself completely to me, but do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. After you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in a living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul for I will not be satisfied until you are dead, my friend.

Forever yours,

Your Addiction

Your Addiction

David A. Porter, MA, LADC